Made: I Wanna be a Trucker

"Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 Pig-Pen,
Yeah, we definitely got us the front door good buddy,
Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy..."

The day starts early in the life of a scrap hauler. Or so my one day "on the road" has qualified me to suppose. My first adventure in trying to discover the secret of the American soul is to try my hand at "Truckin". So at 5am this morning, I climbed into the passenger seat of a twenty year old Kenworth Semi cab and began my observation.

  But the most important moment of the day is when I asked THE QUESTION

You've all wondered. You've all speculated. as you watch a truck pass with what appears mere inches to spare. what if it hits? Will the bridge collapse? Will we all be crushed? But how many people who have never driven a truck have taken the time to ask: "What do you do when you are on the highway and come to an overpass that's too low? What happens?" As much as I want to share the answer with you it is one secret of the Trucking world I have sworn to keep. Perhaps someday you too will have the opportunity to ride in a semi. And maybe you too will learn the great secrets of the trucker.

Rededication

For those of you who were former followers of my blog from the 7.5 months I lived in Turkey, this is where I shall update from now on. For those of you who WEREN'T followers of my Turkey Blog. Go. Read it. http://vadainturkey.blogspot.com

I arrived back in the US last week after a long and life changing 7.5 months living mainly in Istanbul. While there I developed an appreciation the blessings I have had my whole life as an American citizen. It is my plan over the next....months to discover and experience: THE GREAT AMERICAN DREAM.

This is your invitation to join me. In the words of the Iconic Simon and Garfunkel:

"Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together"
"I've got some real estate here in my bag"
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And we walked off to look for America

"Michigan seems like a dream to me now"

I've gone to look for America

A Letter I wrote Elder Michael Waite

This is Matt Bomer the heartthrob in a new series on USA called "White Collar". I'm in love.

Dear Elder Rub n’ Tug aka Mikey aka Ginge aka Madam O’s Sex Slave,
So…I graduated. And now I am back in Hell—I mean—Michigan living with Satan—I mean—my family. Jeff texted me the other day and said: “Remember when your crazy spring roommate told Mikey that he reminded her of her twelve year old brother and Mikey said: ‘That’s funny, because you remind me of my twelve year old brother!’” I hadn’t remembered, but what I did remember was you and Jeff water boarding me. I also remember the 5 food groups: Pop tarts, corn dogs, frozen waffles, cheese, and candy. I also remember you instigating the Housing Complaint then turning belly up in the “mediation”. “Michael! PUSSY!” (me pointing finger accusingly) “Uh, yeah! I was TERRIFIED!” Then going home and pooping on her picture. ß Passive Aggressive.
You will be pleased to know that this week is Halloween and I am going to be a peacock. A sexy peacock. So here are some things about Michigan that do not suck: no roaches. Mike and Ike. Target. Smoke Detectors. Black People. No one named Oleole. In news from Hawaii: Tommy Jordan is married, Alex is engaged, Brady is not, but still dating Holly, Briana and Lyndsi are graduating this semester, Marni is in Jerusalem, Andreas is still European, Meagan and Jordan are as beautiful as ever, and Brennon, Justin, and Terrence are all in Utah—weirdos.
I got a calling yesterday—shudder. CTR 10 Teacher. I think them Hellions is gonna spit and roast me. I have gotten steadily and progressively dumber since I graduated and can actually no longer speak verbally. I am told that the next thing to go will be my ability to control my bladder. Well its that time of year again, soon I will be listening to Christmas music and dreaming about the money I DON’T have.
So, how is your companion? I had a really hard time finding photos of myself with clothing on, I hope Elder Taint appreciates my efforts. I know you are doing your best to lead by example and keep him pure.
I’d like to leave you with some wise words from the great philosopher ABBAcus:

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay/ Ain't it sad/ And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me/ That's too bad/ In my dreams I have a plan If I got me a wealthy man/ I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball/ A man like that is hard to find but I can't get him off my mind/ Ain't it sad/ And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn't fancy me/ That's too bad/ So I must leave, I'll have to go/ To Las Vegas or Monaco/ And win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same

Money, money, money/ Must be funny/ In the rich man's world/ Money, money, money/ Always sunny/ In the rich man's world/ Aha-ahaaa/ All the things I could do/ If I had a little money/ It's a rich man's world

ALOHA ALWAYS,

VADA